


Ours

by PhantomWriter



Series: In All the Right Ways [SamWena Week April 2020] [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23577298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomWriter/pseuds/PhantomWriter
Summary: Sam’s life was marred by a semblance of fear.For Samwena Week Day 4: Courage or Soul
Relationships: Rowena MacLeod/Sam Winchester
Series: In All the Right Ways [SamWena Week April 2020] [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697872
Kudos: 16
Collections: Samwena Week





	Ours

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit late for Day 4. Whoops.

Sam’s life was marred by a semblance of fear. 

It wasn’t the kind of fear brought forth by the monsters under the bed and of the things he couldn’t see in the dark but knew were there—he grew up knowing those, after all. No, that kind of fright. 

Still, he recognized it as fear. 

As a child, there was the fear of finding out that he didn’t have a place to fit in the world that was largely unaware of the supernatural. It had turned out to be true, and he had always been remembered by his peers as that odd kid in class who only lasted a month then went back on the road with his family. 

He carried that same fear as a teenager, except it nagged at him more during his sleepless nights where he could only toss and turn. It would be another town, another crappy motel, another girl he would like or another friend he would make but would eventually forget because they always had to leave and move on where there would be another case. He would look at Dean who, like Sam, was raised in the same lifestyle but, unlike Sam, loved it. Dean loved the kind of life that Sam feared he would inevitably have when he grew older. 

And because he didn’t want to be like Dean or their Dad, by the time he was old enough to decide for himself how he would like to live the rest of his life, he mustered the courage to walk away from his family and what John's obsession deceptively called 'hunting legacy'.

Sam entered college and did those things he could only dream of before: he studied in one place, he made several friends, he lived in a room he could call his own, and he fell in love with a woman that he would fall asleep within the evening and wake up to in the next morning. 

Sam had been so happy and content in the little space he built for his own that he completely forgot his fear that his past life would eventually catch up to him. 

It did, and in a snap, it took Jess, Stanford, and that small room he had with her. 

Sam was glad to reconnect with Dean, of course, but Jess's death remained hanging over Sam for a year like an oppressive cloud that was only gone when Dean killed Azazel. 

Azazel's death was supposed to be the end of it, but, no, not when Sam learned that demon blood was flowing in his veins. He hated it. He feared it. He feared the change in his body that it would bring, and he feared the true purpose of it. 

Sam had done the next best thing: convert that fear into strength. He honed the ability it brought him into something that could help and save others beyond his capabilities as a hunter. He embraced his powers, and Sam was proud of himself for turning something that originally came from evil into something good, something that he could call his own. 

He had the best intentions, and he had been satisfied with his new purpose that he hadn't seen it coming, that little fear of a hidden agenda that came along with his abilities. 

It turned out that it was Lilith's plan all along, to strengthen him with demon blood, to make him strong enough to kill her and free her Dark Lord. Lilith had carefully planned it starting from Dean's death, where a year prior Sam had been a walking mess of pure, unadulterated fear of Dean dying before they could stop it. Dean had died, and Sam had unknowingly walked right into the first step of Lilith's schemes. 

And that was Sam’s life, wasn’t it? 

Hidden agendas that would exploit his fear—the reveal of him being Lucifer’s one true vessel while Dean was Michael’s, the Apocalypse was one divine concerto of brother versus brother, and while none of them were willing to be the puppets of Heaven and Hell, there would be no other choice but stop it with their own hands. Sam had jumped down to the Cage for it and had been imprisoned there with Lucifer and Michael until he was incompletely pulled out. Sam had walked without his soul, and with Dean’s effort got it back within a few months. 

And Sam... Sam was never the same afterward. 

  
  
  
  
  


Sam fiddled with the ring for the nth time. It was a simple band of silver with an amethyst of decent-size—so the color was a little inspired, sue him. 

It had been two decades since he last entered a jewelry shop and that had been to window-shop. Fortunately, the old man behind the counter was understanding enough when Sam walked in like a lost child. Sam let himself be guided through the array of selection, and after an hour, he exited in relief with a ring in his pocket. 

Of all the choices with varying sizes and kinds of gems, Sam found the amethyst the most fitting not only for its color but for the best magical conductor it would make. He was thinking of fusing it with a protective charm, maybe make it effective for scrying as well, and, of course, add something binding that would activate only if she agreed to it.

It hadn’t taken him a week to get it ready, and all that Sam had to do was spring out the question.

Easier said than done. 

  
  
  
  
  


It took him a long time to realize, but Sam also has an inherent fear to love. 

He wasn’t averse to _love_ , per se, but rather he knew what happened to the women he loved. There was Jess, Madison, Sarah… Ruby, and Eileen who he could have had something with, who all died. 

It was a curse of a kind, so Sam learned to put some kind of a distance. He never became like Dean who thrived in one-night stands. What Sam did was comparable to abstaining, and with the world close to ending a couple of times, there was really no time to connect with someone wholly and fall in love. 

The thing about love was that Sam knew very little about it. He had a different perception of it that when it approached him in a completely different manner, he did not comprehend it for what it was—a slow burn of development from animosity to a reluctant alliance to a mutual understanding of shared experience to a genuine friendship to a…

  
  
  
  
  


Rowena was, as always, breathtakingly ethereal. 

At this point, it shouldn’t be surprising Sam anymore that she never failed to captivate him. It was a given, he supposed, if you were dating the former Queen of Hell who had given up the throne. 

For this. 

"Hey," Sam greeted with a smile. He took note of her coral-pink dress under her velvet blazer, her perfect fishtail braid, and the natural tinge of a healthy blush on her cheeks. "You look fantastic."

Rowena raised an eyebrow. "Starting with a compliment, I see. Trying to get on my good graces first, Samuel?" she asked, an amusement playing on her lips. 

"Maybe I am," Sam humored her. He sat beside her, soaking in the tranquility in her presence and the overall pleasantness of the weather. 

Their usual place was either in the bunker or in her apartment, often dabbling with some bit of witchcraft. Sam had been adamant that she formally teach him, and Rowena was more than happy to oblige. She had been particularly eager to introduce him to sex magic, which, admittedly, he quite, er, thoroughly enjoyed as well. 

Today, Sam was able to invite her outdoors without any purpose other than to breathe some fresh air, and, well, to ask the big question. 

Rowena didn't know it yet. 

"Rowena—"

"Samuel—"

"You go on first," Sam allowed. 

"You were clearly about to say something, you go first," Rowena shot back. 

"It's… not that important."

She snorted, not buying it. "Liar," she teased. 

"Okay, sorry. It's important, but it can wait." 

Rowena chewed her lip, glancing away. Sam tried to fight back an impending nervousness from her reaction alone. "Sam, we’ve been together for what, five years?” she began, attempting a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes this time. “You know that I don’t like putting labels because...”

“They’re insignificant, you said,” he finished for her. Sam was starting to have a sense of dread from the way she couldn’t seem to meet his eyes. 

“Right,” she said. “Well, the reason is of course if ever you, and I, decided to…” she trailed off hesitantly, “part ways, then it’ll be a clean and respected decision from both parties.”

“Oh,” Sam could only mutter dumbly, his throat dry. The ring in his pocket burned as the ground seemingly fell under him. “I understand. I just—” he sucked in a breath. “Is this it? I mean, I can respect what you want. I just thought we’re doing so well and I—I just want to know what went wrong, that’s all.”

“What went wrong—Samuel, I’m not bloody breaking up with ye!”

“Then don’t make it sound like it!”

Rowena huffed. “That did sound like it,” she conceded. “It’s not that, Sam, it’s—it’s worse than that, I think.”

“To be honest, I can’t think of anything worse than you not wanting me anymore.”

“How about me telling you that we will be having a child, unplanned?”

“I don’t really see the prob—” Sam’s brain came to a grinding halt. “...are you?”

Rowena nodded meekly. “I found out last night. I’m guessing two weeks,” she said. “Samuel, I know I don’t have a good record when it comes to motherhood, but I want to try again this time. I will keep him or her. The reason I’m telling you now is because I want you to at least now early and decide if you want to stay.” 

“Are you seriously asking me this?” Sam asked incredulously. 

“I have to, Sam, because I won’t force you to stick around and I want to save myself from hurting in the long run.”

Rowena was having a baby— _they_ were having a kid, and she was giving Sam the choice to walk away. 

"Like Hell I will, Rowena! It's accidental, so what? We're going to have a kid." His breath was almost knocked out of him at the realization. "I'm going to have a kid. I'm going to be a Dad."

"You are." Her face softened. "So you're alright then? With this? Building a family with me?"

Sam's palm covered her hand. He brought her hand to his lips, kissing her skin reverently. 

"We're not perfect, and it won't be easy, but we'll do our best. Together," he promised. He would be with her every step of the way, exactly as he wanted it to be from now on. 

Sam smiled adoringly at her then remembered his purpose for inviting her out in the first place. 

Sam reached for his pocket and pulled out the ring. 


End file.
